The Relationship Expiry Theory

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 Okay, first the due credit for this theory goes to Shraiya Sharma and Apoorva Satsangi as it was during one of our “Hangouts” that I came up with this theory.

Second of all, I’d like to thank Priyanka Chhaparia for approving this one as she is my sane mature partner who absolutely has the final word on all my crazy ideas! Thanks buddy for passing this one :P

So ladies and gentlemen… presenting before u… THE RELATIONSHIP EXPIRY THEORY!

Now every relationship has a time bomb attached with it and the clock is always ticking. If you are able to diffuse the bomb in time, good for you or else it’s always GAME OVER!

Now every Relationship goes through three stages:

1. The Attraction Phase.  It’s that initial phase when the attraction levels are alarmingly high and your mind stops functioning. Everything about the other person would be cute, adorable and simply the best! In short your partner would be flawless! You can even call this the Honeymoon period as it’s all cute, soppy, cheesy and romantic. I would go with cheesy but what the heck, have to take all my audience into account :P

Plus, here both the members only showcase their best sides and are always (amazingly) on their best behavior! In short, they behave like the most perfect gentleman and lady! Respectively.

Indeed this is the best stage to be in, but let me warn my readers this is the stage full of fake promises and mostly paves the path for alarmingly high expectations and fairy tale stories which are bound to break and hurt. But nevertheless, that is the starting point and like all movies, the starting has to be rosy and nice so as not to scare your partner of what is to come in the future.

But a word of warning, don’t believe everything in this stage because it is only a FARCE. Everything that happens or transpires is just a bundle of words without an ounce of truth, or just straight out of a Rom-Com movie, it’s not really true. Fairy Tales don’t happen in real life so live with the fact.

Anyways, when it’s quite certain that both the members are here to stay and are willing to take the relationship to the ”Next Level”, comes the second stage.

2. The Un-Acceptance Stage (Or if you are lucky to have found your soul mate then the Acceptance Stage). This stage comes after the Honeymoon period is over and both the partners have spent considerable time with each other to know their true self. They now know their true nature and this is the most crucial stage because it decides whether you stick to the relationship or not.

Usually it’s like “Back to Reality” kind of stage because they know whether they are truly compatible with each other or not. The little cute mushy things you liked about each other initially, those very same things would irritate you to the core. If you had all the time to talk to each other initially, in this stage you’ll have other more important things to do than just talk! And since you don’t have to impress each other, you go back to being your normal self and you realize that your Oh-So-Perfect partner is actually Not-So-Perfect!

Usually it’s in this stage that the Attachment Levels are pretty crucial. If they go up, you are definitely staying in the relationship but if they go down, it’s definitely the third stage then.

Now if you are lucky enough to have found your soul mate, by the end of this stage you’ll find that you have accepted each other with your good and bad points and that you live happily ever after and blah blah. Reality check, the odds of that happening are extremely low and if that does happen to you, consider yourself the luckiest person on this earth.

So, apparently it’s in this stage itself that you know whether you want to continue this relationship or not. And usually this is where I come in, because most of the counseling’s are required in this stage. So if you pass that stage, decide that you two are not compatible with each other, then you enter the last stage.

3. Regress back or Break up Stage. Well, taking feedback from the comments which I got when I posted this theory earlier, this third stage is not really a stage but more of a Decision Point. But the three stages gives a nice ring to the theory and also it takes some time to reach that decision so for the sake of my happiness, let’s call this the Third Stage.

This stage can go in two directions. This is because when you decide you have to break up, then it’s like you have to step out of your comfort zone which nobody is comfortable with. So,

Direction 1: You be strong and do the right thing that is BREAK UP!

Direction 2: You regress back to the first phase because you are too scared to face the future and you don’t want to step out of your comfort zone and also not to hurt the other person. In short, the cycle here starts again.

Now this theory is not for those who simply date around and leave, it’s for those who get into a relationship hoping to see it through till the end. That is why Direction 1 is sort of hard because to step out in the cold and suffer the aftermath of a breakup can be really stressing emotionally. And nobody likes to spend their evenings eating chocolate ice cream and pouring their heart out to their dogs, or cats or anything which might listen to you (or at least pretend to listen to all you’re ranting). But sometimes it is the right thing to do when you know you are not really compatible and that the future holds only more fights and sadness for you.

But direction 2 is scarier too because:

1. You don’t want to hurt the other person

2. You don’t want to be alone

3. You think you can make things all right

4. So you decide to give this a second chance

And lo behold, the whole cycle starts again! Because naturally, when you are almost on the brink of a break-up, that all the love suddenly gushes out when you decide to give it a second chance that the whole cycle starts again and you are back to Stage 1. 

Now here the original theory ends and what follows is only an insight here. USE YOUR GOOD JUDGEMENT TO DECIDE WHETHER THE OTHER PERSON IS WORTH ALL THE EFFORTS AND THAT WHETHER YOU TRULY WANT TO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH HIM/HER OR NOT!

The problem with people today is that they love to take shortcuts but they fail to understand that shortcuts don’t work in relationships. They let little problems or issues to blow up into major proportions and then decide to simply walk away instead of staying and dealing with the issue. The problem today is the decreasing patience levels and the need to avoid confrontations.

Relationships need time and effort to grow and blossom. No doubt there will be problems and roadblocks which might hamper your growth and lead you to question whether it is worth the effort or not. But use your good judgment, and when you indeed find that one person you think you are in love with, fight for that person and don’t make the mistake of letting those small issues break you apart. Because you don’t get lucky twice in life, that is only in the movies.

Anyways, use your own good judgment and discretion because Love is a tricky concept and Relationships are even more so. The more you work on them and put in your efforts the more they’ll grow and blossom, but if you leave it untended, it’ll just wither away and slowly die. The choice is always yours my friend and THERE IS ALWAYS A CHOICE.

Thank you for bearing with my monologue and hope it helps you somewhere or the other and now you know whom to contact when your relationship is running into trouble! Have a happy and a blessed relationship!

*Source: My own experiences with all the couples I had to counsel in the second stage and inspired by HIMYM! That’s what happens when you see all the 6 seasons in one go! GOD bless me then :P And also my Mom! She has the best ideas ever!

**Photo Credits – Google Images

4 Responses to The Relationship Expiry Theory

  1. Anukool says:

    Great post!!! good insight…. only one question… why the word Expiry has been used for the Theory … when you are not supporting Direction 1 or 2?

    • Swati Bhalla says:

      Thank you Anukool and a good question too.. But then it doesn’t matter which direction I support here. I am truly from the old school but this theory is for those who are still experimenting with the notion of love out there and still haven’t found their soul mate yet. Inevitably, those wrong relationships all come to an end sometime or the other, hence the word Expiry here.

  2. Anukool says:

    Looks like, other than appraisals in the Organizations, many other aspects of our lives are governed by the BELL CURVE!!

    • Swati Bhalla says:

      Haha! Oh yes! You never know one day scientists will start measuring and rating Love as well ;) In Economics nothing is impossible, nor is a distinct possibility!

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